A Very Valtor Christmas
by Ultimate Bohab
Summary: "Everyone in Magix liked Christmas a lot. But Valtor, who lived north of Magix, did not..."


Snow fell on certain parts of the earth, for it was that time of the year. Winter time, the time of cold weather, dying crops and unyielding harvest for the 3rd world. But who cares about that. It was Christmas time for the lower-middle class to wealthy folks of Gardenia. Mike and Vanessa had put up a tree decorated with trim and ornaments, eagerly awaiting the return of their daughter Bloom for the holiday season. The phone rang. "Hello, this is Vanessa. Who is it?" Vanessa said. "Hi mom, it's Bloom just wanted to let you know that I'm staying in Magix for Christmas this year. Hope you're not too disappointed." Bloom said. Her mother hung up the phone and stared at the wall. "She's all grown up." Mike said, before crying profusely.

* * *

Magix was just getting into the Christmas spirit, having only been introduced to the holiday a short while ago by Bloom. There were lights and decorations strung up all over Alfea school for fairies, and a large tree was planted in the center of the town. "According to my research, the likelihood that Jesus was the messiah is next to zero, rendering this tradition moot." Tecna said. "That's not the Christmas spirit Tecna!" Bloom chided. "You need to be more merry!" "Yeah, Christmas isn't about Jesus, it's about the spirit of giving!" Stella said. "Well all of this is giving me a headache." Tecna replied.

MEANWHILE...

Everyone in Magix liked Christmas a lot, but Valtor, who lived north of Magix, did not. Nobody knew quite the reason, but he hated it so, he hated the whole season. Perhaps his crotch hugging pants were too tight, or his head wasn't screwed on just right. But I think the most likely reason of all, was that Valtor's heart was 2 sizes too small. "Goddamn those fairies, celebrating with their food and their toys." the sorcerer growled. "And oh, the noise! The noise, noise noise!" Icy walked into the room. "We aren't doing this. We aren't going to fucking rhyme this entire thing." she said. "Fine." Valtor grumbled. "I must put a stop to this Christmas nonsense. But how?" Valtor glanced down at Magix, where he saw an ogre dressed as Santa Claus. Then the sorcerer got an idea. A wonderful, awful idea.

"I know what to do, I've got just the trick." Valtor laughed in his throat. "I'll creep into town at night, dressed as old Saint Nick." "WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT RHYMING YOU COLOSSAL TWAT." Icy screamed. "Cool it witch, I didn't even think about that one. It was pretty good though. Heh." Valtor smirked. He then magically created a Santa outfit, because why the fuck would he sew. He's a wizard. Valtor admired his reflection in a mirror. "The perfect disguise. Nobody will know that it's me stealing their Christmas away. They'll blame it on Santa Claus!" Icy rolled her eyes. "Except for the fact that aside from the clothes you look exactly the same. You could at least do an illusion spell or something." Valtor glared at her. "No. This is perfect."

The evil wizard appraised the ice sleigh that Icy had reluctantly crafted for him. "Yes, this is acceptable." he said. "You do realize that it would be a lot faster if you flew, right?" Darcy asked. "Then where would I put all the presents I'm going to steal?" Valtor replied. "You could magically transport them into a pocket dimension or something." Darcy suggested. "Why does everything have to be about magic with you three?" Valtor sighed. "Because we're witches dumbass. And you're supposed to be the world's most powerful wizard." Stormy said. "Instead you turned out to be a huge loser with a drug problem." the sorcerer glared at the trio. "That's it, you've insulted me for the last time. The three of you are pulling the sled."

The witches were chained up to the front of the sleigh and forced to walk on all fours. Valtor sat in the back holding a black leather whip. "This is the second most humiliating thing that's ever happened to me." Darcy moaned. "What's the first?" Stormy asked. "Remember when I got into Homestuck?" "SILENCE!" Valtor roared, cracking his whip. "Onward Icy, onward Darcy, onward Stormy!" grumbling, the witches pulled the sleigh down the mountain. Valtor laughed as he flew down the snowy slopes towards Magix as the sun set in the sky.

* * *

The wizard parked the sleigh behind the first house in the Magix subdivision and crept up to the roof where he proceeded to slip down the chimney. Before long presents and Christmas decorations floated out and were placed into a bag. As quickly as he had come, Valtor left the house and moved on to the next one. He continued this process with fiendish precision, removing all the tinsel, every last mistletoe, and all of the food. Once he finished with Magix city, Valtor moved on to Cloud Tower. He looked through every room and corridor, but couldn't find a single Christmas ornament. So he lit up a joint and stole a bunch of female undergarments anyways.

"Finally, the greatest target of all; Alfea." Valtor chuckled. "Go, my witches!" panting and sweating from exhaustion, the trio trudged towards Alfea. "I can't feel my thighs." Icy said. "That's strange, I can see them jiggling." Darcy muttered. "Stuff it wiotch." the frost witch shot back. "Ride you bitches!" Valtor commanded, whipping them repeatedly. Egged on by the pain, they picked up the pace towards the fairy school.

Valtor grinned as he slithered into the Winx's room and removed the stockings on the hearth. He then ate the cookies intended for Santa and jacked off in the milk. He slunk over to a sleeping Musa and cut off her pigtails with some scissors, then removed the batteries in Tecna's laptop. He ruined Stella's makeup, poured weedkiller on all of Flora's plants, and wrote several racial slurs on Layla's face in sharpie. Then he walked over to Bloom, tucked away so peacefully in her bed. "And for you my dear, I'm going to take something very special from you..." Valtor snickered. Then it happened. He couldn't stop it, the snicker turned into a full blown evil laugh. It was so loud that it woke up the entire school.

The fairies of Alfea awoke to a disaster. All traces of Christmas had been removed, nothing cheerful remained. The Winx were especially horrified at what had been done to them. "My hair!" Musa shrieked. "My homosexual fanfiction!" Tecna cried. "My poor plants!" Flora sobbed. Stella was too busy laughing at the words on Layla's face to notice the makeup, and Layla was too busy giggling at Stella's makeup to notice the word 'NIGGER' scrawled on her forehead. Strangely, Bloom wasn't angry. As she looked around the room and the tragedy, she maintained a sort of peace to her. "Why did you do this?" she asked Valtor. "To ruin Christmas of course!" the wizard replied. Bloom just shook her head.

"Christmas isn't about material things like presents or ornaments, or even hair. It's about the spirit of kindness and generosity within all of us, and you can't steal that, no matter how hard you try." Bloom said. Then Valtor heard something odd. Outside the fairies were gathered in a circle, singing. He'd taken everything, but still they sang! They sang without tinsel or wrappings or tags, they sang without boxes or packages, or bags! "Perhaps..." Valtor whispered. "Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe, just maybe... it means a little bit more." Then what happened? Well in Magix they say, Valtor's small heart grew 3 sizes that day. Then exploded. Because during the time Valtor reflected on the true meaning of Christmas, Bloom had put a detonation spell inside his chest. The Winx cheered as little bits of Sorcerer flesh fell down like snowflakes. "Merry Christmas everyone!"


End file.
